Toxic Positivity: Navigating the Dark Side of Positive Communication

In a world where social media and self-help culture advocate the power of positivity, it's easy to assume that positive thinking is the solution to all our problems. However, like any seemingly perfect concept, there's a dark side to positivity that often goes unnoticed or overlooked – toxic positivity. Come with us as we dive into the perils of ‘Toxic Positivity’, and explore why striking a balance between acknowledging our emotions and seeking optimism is essential for our wellbeing and the way we communicate with others. The concept of toxic positivity, which promotes relentless optimism while disregarding authentic emotions.

Defining Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity, also referred to as "positive thinking gone awry," has been the subject of psychological research in recent years. Studies highlight that toxic positivity can be defined as the excessive and often unwarranted pressure to maintain a positive outlook, irrespective of the circumstances or emotional experiences individuals may face (Lomas, 2020). This rigid adherence to positivity often dismisses or invalidates negative emotions, leaving individuals feeling compelled to suppress their genuine feelings. What does it sound like? It could be saying things like…..“Just focus on the good things." "Don't cry," "Stay strong", "You're just overthinking, snap out of it!" "Others have it worse than you" or "Look at how well they're handling it" and one of my pet peeves is “ You’ve got this”. I’m sure the intent behind these comments was not to cause harm, nonetheless, these comments are helpful, at best, and damaging at worst.

The Problems with Toxic Positivity

Several studies have demonstrated that suppressing or denying negative emotions can lead to adverse psychological consequences. Emotional suppression has been linked to increased stress, anxiety, and a higher risk of developing mood disorders, such as depression (Gross & Levenson, 1993). Allowing space for genuine emotional expression and processing is vital for mental health and wellbeing. It takes a lot of courage for someone to express their emotions, feelings and experience with you, by replying with dismissing positive statements you inadvertently dismiss the person’s experience. And it may well stop the person from confiding in you again in the future.

Empathy and validation are essential components of effective support systems. Dismissing someone's negative emotions with overly positive statements can be perceived as unsupportive and lead to feelings of isolation (Lebowitz et al., 2019). Offering authentic empathy, on the other hand, fosters a sense of connection and closeness and understanding. Sometimes people respond with toxic positivity because they truly don’t know what to say and might believe that ‘looking on the bright side’ is a helpful statement to make.

A friend shared a story about pregnancy loss. Sadly she lost a baby in late-term pregnancy. Following the stillbirth of her child a ‘friend’ said to her, “But at least you have two healthy children, it wasn’t meant to be.” Now, the intent may not have been malicious but the message received was hurtful and extremely insensitive to someone who is grieving the loss of their child.

Toxic positivity directed towards others is harmful but it can also damage yourself by not allowing you to process, feel and experience negative emotions. The research by Wood et al. (2019) indicates that individuals who believe they must be positive all the time tend to experience increased cognitive dissonance when faced with adversity. This disconnect from reality can hinder effective problem-solving and adaptive coping strategies. Moreover, scientific evidence has shown that the pressure to maintain positivity can discourage individuals from seeking help for mental health issues due to the fear of being perceived as weak or negative (Wiltink et al., 2011). This stigma prevents people from accessing necessary support and resources.

Embracing Healthy Positivity

To promote emotional well-being and foster healthy positivity, evidence-based strategies should be encouraged:

Emotion Regulation: Encouraging individuals to recognise and accept their emotions as valid and natural is a crucial aspect of emotional wellbeing. By strategies such as mindfulness (meditation, mindful eating/walking/living, yoga etc) and cognitive reappraisal techniques, individuals can navigate life's challenges more effectively. Mindfulness allows one to be present in the moment without judgment (not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future), enhancing self-awareness and can also help to build emotional intelligence. When faced with difficult emotions, cognitive reappraisal helps reframe situations, reducing emotional distress. This could look like a reframing thought. Reframing involves consciously changing the way we perceive or interpret a situation, event, or thought pattern to create a more balanced perspective. It is a valuable cognitive skill, especially when someone has catastrophised, which means they have magnified the negative aspects of a situation and anticipated the worst possible outcome. Here's an example of how to reframe a catastrophised thought:

Catastrophised Thought: "I made a mistake at work today. My boss is going to think I'm incompetent, and I'll probably get fired. My career is over, and I'll never find another job."

Reframed Thought: "I made a mistake at work today, which is unfortunate, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow. Everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn't define my entire career. I can take responsibility, learn from this experience, and use it as a chance to improve my skills."

Empathetic Communication: Scientific evidence supports the effectiveness of empathetic and active listening as a means of providing support to those in distress (Lopez et al., 2017). Avoiding dismissive statements and genuinely empathizing with others can create a safe and supportive environment.

Seeking Professional Help: Encourage individuals to seek professional help when dealing with emotional difficulties. Evidence suggests that early intervention and therapy can be highly beneficial in addressing mental health concerns (Cuijpers et al., 2020).

In essence, Toxic positivity does harm to those on the receiving end. Although the intention of the person who is providing positive commentary isn’t malicious or mean, the result can be as such. The messages received may in fact make the person feel worse, they may not feel confident or comfortable to disclose true feelings with you and it may damage the relationship. Instead communicating in a way that allows a person to experience their emotions just as they are and sitting with the person in that moment can be one of the most helpful things you can do. Sometimes, one of the most helpful things a person can say to me if I’m upset is ‘That’s shit!’.